no more Picky Eating
Picky eating happens when we give our child “replacement” foods when they refuse to eat what is first offered. They learn that if they refuse to eat what is offered we will give them a tastier replacement out of fear of them starving.
There’s a beautiful world of flavors out there beyond frozen chicken nuggets and EasyMac, and nutritious foods will help your child feel much better physically and emotionally, and will help with sleep. Follow these simple tips and mealtimes will no longer be a daily battle in your household!
Balanced, Small Portions: At each meal, offer VERY small portions (1-3 tablespoons) of each food group. This is so that they don’t fill up on the “liked” foods so much that they’re not hungry enough to try the disliked food. Aim to serve 1 food in each of these 3 categories: fruits/veggies, protein (meat, eggs, dairy, beans, nut butter), and carbs (rice, bread, pasta, oatmeal). Try not to let one category overpower the others in the amount served.
Just a Bite: Have a couple foods on their plate that you know they already like, but also include 1 food/food group at each meal that they dislike, but only serve one bite of it. If they ask for more of the liked food, require them to at least taste one bite of the disliked food before the can have more. The way to end the picky eating cycle is to have the disliked food or food group keep showing up on their plate. The food becomes familiar, and familiarity eventually leads to appreciation. Disclaimer: This is MUCH easier to do if the child is actually hungry at mealtime and isn’t snacking between meals.
Dial Down The Pressure: Keep mealtime a low-stress time of family connection. Avoid pressuring them to eat a certain number of bites or desperately giving them a “substitution meal” out of fear of starvation. If you do this, they will ALWAYS refuse the first meal in order to get a more sugary/carby/processed option. Children pick up on our stress and desperation, and may begin to dread mealtime and eating because of it.
You Choose What They Eat, They Choose How Much: They will absolutely not starve by skipping one meal or even a few meals in a row. It’s more about how many calories they take in over a full week. Hunger is the most powerful appetite stimulant, and allowing them to skip a meal or two is a great way to build up an appetite. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Repeat with me, “they WILL eat if they’re hungry enough!”
Don’t Hold Them Hostage: Let young children get up after half an hour of sitting with the family at meal-time, regardless of how much they ate (even if it was nothing at all), but expect them to be able to sit for about half an hour. Allow your children to sometimes be more hungry than other times, without requiring them to eat a certain number of bites.
Provide Predictable Daily Mealtimes: When meals are served at around the same times every day, our digestive systems and circadian (sleep) rhythms are better able to sync. Children are perfectly capable of going 3-4 hours between meals. In fact, it’s the ideal spacing in order to give their bodies time to digest between meals and for them to be hungry enough to eat a full meal. When mealtimes are consistent, children gradually come to learn how much they need to eat at each meal to sustain them until the next one, leading to them eating better meals, which contributes to better sleep.
Be Prepared for a Tantrum: If you refuse to give into your child’s demand for a replacement food (or really anything else that they want) a tantrum will often follow. Whining, crying, screaming, even throwing themselves on the floor. It drives us CRAZY as parents, and they know it. That’s why they do it. They know that this behavior irritates us so bad that we will give in if they do it long enough, just to make it stop and keep the peace. The way to nip these in the bud and prevent them from happening again is to never let a tantrum work, to get them what they’re wanting. If it works, it will continue. If your child throws a tantrum, it’s ok to remove them to a safe, solitary space where they can express their disappointment without hurting everyone’s ears. You can try to sit in there with them unless it further escalates them or they’re physically/verbally assaulting you. Then just wait for it to pass (sometimes it takes 20+ mins), but still don’t give them what they’re wanting (like a replacement food) if you don’t believe it’s what’s best for them.
Avoid Snacking: Make snacking between meals just not an option (except the afternoon “supper snack”) There are other ways to teach a child to cope with emotions than sticking snacks in their mouth, and it’s a wise thing to give them opportunities to grow in patience and frustration-tolerance. This is countercultural in America but very common in other parts of the world, so you’re going to be going against the grain of the other families at the playground, but it’s the only way to ensure they’re hungry enough when mealtimes comes around. If you absolutely cannot cut the morning snack, make it something healthy, like a very small serving of fruit, nuts, or cheese.
If this helped you avoid mealtime battles, send it to a mom friend!